Where's Your Energy
Over the last few months I have poured my self expression and creativity into the world of the internet. Imagining and playing with who I am now and what I want to share with the world. Embodiment is at that the root of everything I do, it is the undercurrent of what I offer to you regardless of the modality. It is hilarious to me that when I step in the world of website creation, social media, and everything our buzzing boxes of electricity have to offer us, that I find myself asking, “Where am I?”
“Where’s my energy?” It’s a funny question right?
Think of driving home from work. The route you take every day. Have you ever started driving and the next thing you know you are pulling into the driveway and can’t quite recall the experience of how you got home? That was your energy being somewhere else. Maybe it was problem solving that project at work or maybe it was planning that romantic evening with your honey. Whereever it was, part of you was not in the car with your body on your drive home.
This is a normal thing that we do: sending our energy other places. Your body is pretty remarkable at keeping itself functioning with much of your consciousness off playing in the realm of daydreams or sweet dreams at night. So if it is perfectly normal, then why would we be concerned with it at all? Let’s take a silly yet painful moment in my life when being somewhere else didn’t work out so well.
There I was walking down the stairs after teaching my morning yoga class. I had just spent the last two hours in a state of hyper focus on the needs of myself and my students… watching body cues, making decisions for movements and poses to support an injury, to open a energy meridian, to shift a sluggish chakra, etc. I was all done for the morning and ready to go grab some lunch. As I walked down the stairs like I always do, I step abnormally on the very last step and there went my ankle with a SNAP. I drop my bag and crumble to the floor. “This is bad” I thought. “THIS IS REALLY BAD.” I had severely sprained my ankle: tearing ligaments and dislocated a bone in my foot. Of course I was mortified at what had just happened, but on the other hand, it was rather hilarious that I would hurt myself on the very last step. I bring up my clumsiness because it was a moment when I was a little bit on autopilot, just like driving home from work. Had I been fully present and in the moment I probably would have been noticing how my bag was tilting my spine off center swinging my hips to the right, how the bottom of my pants were under my shoe, and how my lateral fascial lines were a little more flexible from the movements I had lead earlier. I would have stepped with intention. But I went down those steps like I had done so many times before and my main concern was about what to put in my belly and planning for my next client. The perfect storm for me to end up sitting on the floor wondering if I will ever be able to walk, let alone, dance again. (That moment was a harsh reminder for me of what can happen when we project ourselves too much into the future, or past, and forget about where we actually are at the moment).
Now back to me lost in the other world of the internet: This entangled world of electricity, light, and consciousness run by machines that now hold all our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. This place where we go to connect with complete honesty and magical lies. We are drawn here for minutes/hours/days all the while our actual heart beats and our real lungs breath. It becomes more and more important… no - critical that I am consciously choosing to be present and notice what effect this has on me when I step away from the computer. It is so easy to move about in a half awake half somewhere else state. A state of physically being here but not really being here. I am sure you all know the feeling. Yes, I can go about feeding myself, carry on a conversation, or even drive my car, but doing so means life looses all its luster.
So I ask myself: “Where is my energy?” I ask because it is so easy to be somewhere else. I ask because I want to be present. I ask because I want to feel alive in this body right here and right now. I challenge you to ask yourself the same question. Breath………………. notice……………….. invite all of you back into your body right now. Feel where you are, the ground underneath you. What sounds are here with you in this space? What smells? What does your skin sense… your clothes… the temperature of the room? Wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes… feel into the movement. Be present because this moment only happens once. Be present because this moment is happening now. Be present because this moment will never happen again.