Own Your Witchy Self
I came into this world with body memories from other times and places, information that did not match my reality, information about times of persecution, trauma, and abuse. I did not always know or understand what I felt. As a child it was often confusing and traumatic to be without language for what I was experiencing… or why. These are some of my experiences. I share them now to be another voice that guilt and shame can no longer silence. So that we can collectively heal the wounds that prevent us from remembering who we are; our power and radiant purpose.
Memories from extreme experiences can stay with us, holding a charge deep within our bodies
When I was in grade school I was deathly afraid of passing in front of ground floor windows and doors at night. My poor little body would light up with sheer terror and the desire to run as fast as I could to my room and hide. I was caught between my mind not wanting to wake anyone up, the knowledge that I never saw anything out of the ordinary, and my body’s overwhelming desire to run for my life. There was no language or permission in my home to ask about what was happening to me, no one to help me understand the level of panic. There was only this body knowing, beyond my minds ability to understand, that my life might be in danger.
It has not always been safe to be a healer - The power of persecution
In middle school a boy in one of my classes called me a witch. To him it was a way of teasing me without saying a bad word, but to me it was the worst word I could have been called. I got so angry and scared it was a visceral reaction so powerful I was shaking. To make matters worse, as children often do, the boy saw how upset I was and decided to call me a witch frequently just to get a rise of me. My anger turned to pleading. I asked him to call me any other bad word he could think of: anything. I pleaded with him to even call me a bitch instead. I had no idea why I reacted the way I did to that word ~ Witch. I knew it was just a word, but my body was screaming at me the danger of that label.
When our environment triggers trauma pictures
I struggled intensely with wearing anything around my neck for most of childhood and early twenties. A scarf, a turtleneck, or zipping up a collar on a jacket would cause my body to feel unsafe and panicked. I could be at home or trying on something in a store, completely safe, yet my body did not believe it. I learned to not wear things around my neck, I adapted. The next time you see a scarf around my neck you can know how far I’ve come to shift this.
PTSD without the trauma…WTF?
If you look at all of the examples I have given so far, it would be easy to make the assumption that I have experienced some pretty traumatic events in my childhood, but that just wasn’t the case. No one ever tried to kill me in the middle of the night, or strangle me, or made me feel unsafe for dressing up as a witch for Halloween. Yet environmental triggers would cause my body to respond as if I was experiencing something unsafe that did not match the actual environment and physical stimuli around me. I was experiencing PTSD without the trauma…WTF?! I went through life experiencing paralyzing terror and fear from trauma I never had, reliving memories of experiences that never happened to this body. For so long I didn’t have language for what was happening to me or what potential good might come from this being my life experience.
Past life and trauma memories can come through when they are ready to be healed
As an adult I began to experience memories and information related to sex and sexual trauma. Yay me, right?! What might start out as a beautiful connected sexual experience might end in me having the physical sensation of me being bound against my will with no kinky fur lined handcuffs or silk ties in sight. I could literally feel ropes around my wrists and ankles though nothing was actually there. It was devastating. For me sex has magic in it. The power to connect, transform, and heal us. It is one of the most powerful forces of creation on the planet. Yet my experiences of pleasure, connection, and play would end with flashbacks of trauma that never happened to my body. Instead of the lovely afterglow of connecting intimately with my partner my confused body would be a mixture of pleasure endorphins intermingled with some of the deepest grief, rage, terror, and hopelessness I had ever felt in my life. It became very clear that I was tapping into something big and powerful that needed to be healed. It was a remembering that had a purpose. A calling to me to seek understanding, and invitation to shift the energy and story of an old wound. The question now was…am I brave enough to finally see it?
Forgetting and Remembering:
Growing up as a white American I did not live in a society where we were taught as children to cultivate and heal our energy body. To tap into the earth medicine and the wisdom of our ancient healers. That knowing had long ago been been forcibly taken and manipulated away from our ancestors. Replaced with the desire to own and control our ability to know and heal ourselves. The persecution of the healer is an old story, a story that I did not realize I was a part of, an ancient wounding. It took finding others like me….intuitives, psychics, witches, medicine men and women, shaman…. whatever they like to call themselves, to help me have the courage to look at this story that was unfolding in fragments before me. I learned to go deeper, to release the trauma, and honor my experiences and the wisdom they held for me. I am grateful now that I had the bravery to not let shame, guilt, and fear silence me any longer.
All these little snapshots from my life are only a drop in my bucket of extra sensory perception I once had no idea I was tapping into. It took incredible courage, the realization that there was no going back from this awakening, and a playful passion for knowledge and understanding to fuel me down my path of remembering.
So here I am in all my Witchy Glory!
A woman that had forgotten who she was, had forgotten her gifts and her power. But also a woman willing to remember.
I came into this life and body with the ability to bring in information beyond what we can see, feel, and touch in our normal senses. This information used to hold me hostage because I didn’t understand it. Now when I work with these energies I feel empowered to see them for what they are, to read into them and find understanding. I have learned to clear this form of energy so that it can no longer paralyze me.
Everyday I try to own who I am a little more. Despite all my old stories and all the stories of healers and seers on the planet who experienced times on earth when it wasn’t safe to be who we are with the abilities that we have. Everyday I get a little braver, a little less fearful, and a little more empowered. I have this information for a reason - I bring it forward to heal myself and to support those who need this information too. I am here to help you take your power back. Not by force but by wisdom, play, and laughter. I am here for you.